I just read this scripture and was reminded how much I love it. And how true it is. My infertility was a burden that weighed me down so much I was barely functioning for a while, I had let it consume me. But once I stopped holding so tightly to the pain and let my Saviour help me and submitted my will to the Father's my life completely changed.
I wrote this article to submit to The Ensign. They cut out the part about my migraines and put the remainder in their on-line version. Anyway, this scripture is one of my favs!
I wrote this article to submit to The Ensign. They cut out the part about my migraines and put the remainder in their on-line version. Anyway, this scripture is one of my favs!
Here's the article: Turning My Burdens Over
I am a planner, I like to make plans for my life, at least the major events. I had planned that I would graduate a year early from high school, go to college and graduate, go on a mission, get married, go to graduate school, and just before graduating have my first baby, and live happily ever after All of these things went according to plan, until they didn’t.
I did graduate a year early from high school. I went to BYU where I got a degree in Biology Teaching. Two months after graduating I was in the MTC. I got home from my mission and had a year before I could start graduate school so I went back to BYU to take some classes that I hadn’t taken before my mission that would be helpful for graduate school. During that year I started dating Ryan, and that summer we got married. Two months later I started graduate school. Three and half years later we decided it was time to bring children into our family.
From some of the wording of my patriarchal blessing I have always felt like the timing of when I would have children wouldn't be what I wanted. So I wasn't surprised when about a year had gone by and we hadn't been able to have children. But after a year we started working with doctors to see if anything should be done so we could conceive. I never expected there to be any major problems, but after 6 months of testing and meeting with various specialists we were told that there was very little chance we would ever be able to have children on our own. We were both in a state of shock for a while and then very discouraged and disappointed. But I also fell into a fairly significant depression. I could not stop crying. After a few weeks of this we decided to tell our families. I know that as soon as we did they started praying for us, and as they did the depression lifted. It was a huge help. After that, and over a period of time, I was able to start having more faith in the Lord, and his plan for my life.
One Sunday, about 6 months after the time we found out we likely would not have children on our own I was sitting in church partaking of the sacrament and I was just completely overwhelmed with gratitude that even though my plan was not working out, I was still happy. That when my sisters and friends call me and tell me they are pregnant, I am truly happy for them and not jealous. That I could go to baby showers and it wasn’t hard on me, I could just have fun and rejoice for my friends. That I could go to my sister's ultrasound and just be so excited to experience that with her. That I could go to the birth of my nephew and be nothing but thrilled. I have a FANTASTIC life – my husband is my best-friend and we really have enjoyed this time we have been able to just spend together. And this peace and happiness still continues with me, even though it has now been almost 4 years of trying to have children. I know that the ache of wanting to have children is still with me, that I still really yearn for them and if I could get pregnant today I would, because once in awhile something will happen and I will have glimpses of the pain that is there, bringing instant tears to my eyes. But most of the time I am just happy and hopeful. That Sunday as I reflected on the joy I felt despite my wishes and plans not being met, and how grateful I was that during this waiting period I didn't have to wait in pain, I thought of a scripture. It is in the Book of Mormon, Mosiah 24:14-15:
I am a planner, I like to make plans for my life, at least the major events. I had planned that I would graduate a year early from high school, go to college and graduate, go on a mission, get married, go to graduate school, and just before graduating have my first baby, and live happily ever after All of these things went according to plan, until they didn’t.
I did graduate a year early from high school. I went to BYU where I got a degree in Biology Teaching. Two months after graduating I was in the MTC. I got home from my mission and had a year before I could start graduate school so I went back to BYU to take some classes that I hadn’t taken before my mission that would be helpful for graduate school. During that year I started dating Ryan, and that summer we got married. Two months later I started graduate school. Three and half years later we decided it was time to bring children into our family.
From some of the wording of my patriarchal blessing I have always felt like the timing of when I would have children wouldn't be what I wanted. So I wasn't surprised when about a year had gone by and we hadn't been able to have children. But after a year we started working with doctors to see if anything should be done so we could conceive. I never expected there to be any major problems, but after 6 months of testing and meeting with various specialists we were told that there was very little chance we would ever be able to have children on our own. We were both in a state of shock for a while and then very discouraged and disappointed. But I also fell into a fairly significant depression. I could not stop crying. After a few weeks of this we decided to tell our families. I know that as soon as we did they started praying for us, and as they did the depression lifted. It was a huge help. After that, and over a period of time, I was able to start having more faith in the Lord, and his plan for my life.
One Sunday, about 6 months after the time we found out we likely would not have children on our own I was sitting in church partaking of the sacrament and I was just completely overwhelmed with gratitude that even though my plan was not working out, I was still happy. That when my sisters and friends call me and tell me they are pregnant, I am truly happy for them and not jealous. That I could go to baby showers and it wasn’t hard on me, I could just have fun and rejoice for my friends. That I could go to my sister's ultrasound and just be so excited to experience that with her. That I could go to the birth of my nephew and be nothing but thrilled. I have a FANTASTIC life – my husband is my best-friend and we really have enjoyed this time we have been able to just spend together. And this peace and happiness still continues with me, even though it has now been almost 4 years of trying to have children. I know that the ache of wanting to have children is still with me, that I still really yearn for them and if I could get pregnant today I would, because once in awhile something will happen and I will have glimpses of the pain that is there, bringing instant tears to my eyes. But most of the time I am just happy and hopeful. That Sunday as I reflected on the joy I felt despite my wishes and plans not being met, and how grateful I was that during this waiting period I didn't have to wait in pain, I thought of a scripture. It is in the Book of Mormon, Mosiah 24:14-15:
14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.
15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.
I know that is what the Lord has done for me; eased my burdens so that I will not feel them during this time.
A few months after the realization the my Savior is carrying my burden for me I was in the middle of a very bad migraine stretch where I had had a migraine every day for over a week, maybe close to two - I couldn't remember any more, I just knew I hurt and I was tired. Each day I would wake up with one, I would try less dramatic medications first to get rid of it, if that didn't work, I would take my prescription medication.
I have had migraines the majority of my life, I think since 5th grade. I have always gotten them with greater frequency than most of the migraine sufferers I know, usually about 2/3 of the days I have them. I handle migraines fairly well having had them so long - this is a trial I can generally deal with. But at the end of a long migraine stretch like the one I was experiencing I do get tired and my tolerance diminishes significantly.
Unfortunately, at the end of this stretch my medications weren't working very effectively anymore. On this one Saturday I had been able to dull the pain with medications but never got rid of it, even though I had taken 2 of my prescription pills. Sunday I had tried taking my mom's migraine medication and it didn't even dull the pain. There were going to be 50+ people coming over for our family Christmas party, I had done all I could think of to do, and I was in a lot of pain and couldn't deal with it anymore.
I then thought about how the Lord had been carrying my burden of the pain of infertility for me for so long, making it so I rarely felt it and still enjoyed life. And I figured if He could do that then maybe he could just as easily carry physical pain as well. I didn't comprehend how it would work, but I figured I would give it a shot. And so I prayed, and told my Heavenly Father about my pain, and how tired I was, and that I had tried all I could do. I told Him I was grateful migraines are my trial rather than diabetes or some other physical affliction (which I am truly grateful about) but that I was ready for this migraine to be done. I told Him I knew He was able to make my burdens so light I couldn't feel it because He had done it for me already and even though I didn't comprehend how it would work for physical pain, I believed it was possible. So if He could please either take the pain away, or help me carry it, or make me stronger so I could carry it better, I would really appreciate it.
I wouldn't say immediately, but within the hour, my migraine eased so considerably that it was hardly noticeable, just a nuisance. The next day was my first migraine free day. For several days after I daily had threatening migraines, my head was sore when I woke up and I knew that I was on the verge of getting one, or maybe the migraine was there and I was just not feeling the full force of it. But reading the scripture again, I think the Lord answered all three of my requests.
I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who answers prayers and an incredible older brother, Jesus Christ, who through the atonement made it possible for me to find strength and comfort and release through pain when I need it! And so I will witness that he does visit us during our afflictions, because of His great love for us. And I am so grateful.
A few months after the realization the my Savior is carrying my burden for me I was in the middle of a very bad migraine stretch where I had had a migraine every day for over a week, maybe close to two - I couldn't remember any more, I just knew I hurt and I was tired. Each day I would wake up with one, I would try less dramatic medications first to get rid of it, if that didn't work, I would take my prescription medication.
I have had migraines the majority of my life, I think since 5th grade. I have always gotten them with greater frequency than most of the migraine sufferers I know, usually about 2/3 of the days I have them. I handle migraines fairly well having had them so long - this is a trial I can generally deal with. But at the end of a long migraine stretch like the one I was experiencing I do get tired and my tolerance diminishes significantly.
Unfortunately, at the end of this stretch my medications weren't working very effectively anymore. On this one Saturday I had been able to dull the pain with medications but never got rid of it, even though I had taken 2 of my prescription pills. Sunday I had tried taking my mom's migraine medication and it didn't even dull the pain. There were going to be 50+ people coming over for our family Christmas party, I had done all I could think of to do, and I was in a lot of pain and couldn't deal with it anymore.
I then thought about how the Lord had been carrying my burden of the pain of infertility for me for so long, making it so I rarely felt it and still enjoyed life. And I figured if He could do that then maybe he could just as easily carry physical pain as well. I didn't comprehend how it would work, but I figured I would give it a shot. And so I prayed, and told my Heavenly Father about my pain, and how tired I was, and that I had tried all I could do. I told Him I was grateful migraines are my trial rather than diabetes or some other physical affliction (which I am truly grateful about) but that I was ready for this migraine to be done. I told Him I knew He was able to make my burdens so light I couldn't feel it because He had done it for me already and even though I didn't comprehend how it would work for physical pain, I believed it was possible. So if He could please either take the pain away, or help me carry it, or make me stronger so I could carry it better, I would really appreciate it.
I wouldn't say immediately, but within the hour, my migraine eased so considerably that it was hardly noticeable, just a nuisance. The next day was my first migraine free day. For several days after I daily had threatening migraines, my head was sore when I woke up and I knew that I was on the verge of getting one, or maybe the migraine was there and I was just not feeling the full force of it. But reading the scripture again, I think the Lord answered all three of my requests.
I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who answers prayers and an incredible older brother, Jesus Christ, who through the atonement made it possible for me to find strength and comfort and release through pain when I need it! And so I will witness that he does visit us during our afflictions, because of His great love for us. And I am so grateful.
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