10 Lessons I Learned From Inducing Lactation

I induced lactation so I could nurse my son. Both my children were adopted, as most of you know. I wanted desperately to be able to nurse them both. I wanted it  for many reasons – I wanted the experience of my body nourishing them, I believe strongly that breast milk is the best source of nutrition for babies, I wanted the bonding that comes from nursing, I wanted the convenience of not having to deal with formula and bottles, I wanted to be in control of the nutrients my baby would receive, I wanted the cost effectiveness of it, I just wanted it. I tried so hard with Abby to induce lactation. I was unsuccessful. It was an incredibly painful experience, physically, emotionally, mentally. I was crushed that it didn’t work. With Mikey it worked. I have been nursing him daily since his very first day. And I LOVE it. And I have learned so much from both experiences!

Abby was 9 days old before we even learned about her. She was 19 days old when we brought her home from the hospital. At the time I was in the last month of my semester teaching at TCU – so the busiest time of the semester. Ryan was in the middle of a huge project at work so also swamped. Not knowing about her previously we had NO time to prepare in any way, and that included inducing lactation. I didn’t have the time it takes to start producing before she came, and I didn’t have the time to research how to do it after she came. All I knew was that I should pump a lot, to use a supplemental nursing system (a bottle that you wear around your neck that has thin capillary tubes for the milk to come through and you set next to your nipple so the baby can suck it out while nursing – I call it fake nursing), and also to take certain herbs. I did all of these things. When I wasn’t nursing I was pumping. It took ALL my time. Literally. I figured the stronger suction I used with the pump the better it would do at pulling the milk out. So I turned it as high as possible, every time. Between the pumping and Abby sucking I succeeded in causing blisters all around my nipple, and cracks. I got more blood out with the pump than milk (I maybe got 2-3 drops of milk with 2-3 months of daily pumping). It was so painful that when Abby would nurse I literally was biting my tongue the whole time to keep from screaming and tears would stream down my cheeks. It was awful. When I finally decided it wasn’t ever going to work and that I should resign myself to stop trying I was broken. I do not regret trying to induce lactation with Abby, even though it was so hard on me. I’m glad that I have the peace of knowing that I did try. And I’m glad for what I learned from the process. And I’m glad for the bonding that did occur from it.

Lesson #1 - If you don’t know how to do something, regardless of how much effort you put in, you are not likely to get what you want and you are likely to get frustration.

Lesson #2 - If you want something it is a good idea to learn from someone (or lots of someones) who has it – find someone who has want you want and find out how they got it. We were matched with Mikey’s birth mom 6 months before he was born, so I had lots of time to prepare. I had time to learn proper ways to induce lactation. In fact, I have done so much research on how to induce lactation and increase milk supply that I feel like I’m halfway to being a lactation consultant. Knowledge is powerful, and vital in reaching goals.

Lesson #3 – If at first you don’t succeed try, try again! If I had let my experience with Abby deter me from trying again with Mikey I would never have had this incredible journey with him. I’m so glad I didn’t let a terrible experience keep me from reaching for my dream.

Lesson #4 - If I want something bad enough I can get it (provided I have the knowledge of what it takes to get it.) I wanted to be able to nurse Mikey BADLY. One of the reasons not being able to nurse Abby was so hard on me was because she had serious dairy issues, with both lactase and casein. We couldn’t find a formula that she thrived on because even the dairy modified ones either were low lactose or low casein, but never both. There were soy formulas but she didn’t do well with soy. There is alimentum that doesn’t have any dairy or soy but it is basically just sugar and oil so I struggled with the lack of nutrition, and she didn’t care for it. I was able to find some dairy free milk donors who I was so grateful for, but not enough to provide her full supply needs. So, feeding Abby was challenging and we were never able to find an ideal solution. I so wanted to be able to just control my diet and nurse her. With Mikey I was determined that I would be able to nurse. I followed the recommended induction protocols and I was successful!

Lesson #5 – There is value in celebrating small victories and sharing them with others so they could celebrate with me. I started producing milk pretty much immediately once I started pumping 6 weeks before Mikey’s due date. At first it was just drops, but I told my family and friends, and they were excited with me. And then when I started getting enough that I could actually save it I took pictures and shared those – and again they all celebrated with me. I felt so loved and encouraged! It was awesome! Those who love us want to celebrate with us, even if it’s something that doesn’t seem that big. People love to have reasons to celebrate, so share all your victories!

Lesson #6 - I can’t compare my successes with anyone else’s. Even though I have been successful in inducing lactation I have not been able to produce enough to meet all Mikey’s needs. The most I have ever made in a day is 10 ounces. Before he started eating solids he needed closer to 30 ounces in a day. My body wasn’t able to do that. (I guess producing a full supply it almost never happens for someone who induces lactation but has never been pregnant and then nursed.) But even though I have to supplement his diet I STILL GET TO NURSE! And I can’t even put in words what that means for me. I love it so much. I love that I can produce antibodies for him. I love the bonding. I love the way it feels to have him so close to me. I just love it. I wish that I could produce a full supply, and sometimes I feel envious of my friends and family that can, but just because I supplement doesn’t take away from the fact the I was successful in being able to nurse my baby. That is my miracle, that it happened.

Lesson #7 - I learned the importance of having a support team. Inducing lactation wasn’t done by my efforts alone. Ryan had to be supportive – all the pumping takes a lot of time and he had to do more for me and Abby because of it. I worked with two awesome lactation consultants. One of the things I did to increase my supply was power pumping – pumping pretty much all day for 3 days a week for 3 weeks. It helped, but was super time consuming. I didn’t want Abby to feel neglected during this time so she spent the day with friends and grandparents – I couldn’t have done my power pumping without the help of those who watched her for those days. And all the people who prayed for me and celebrated with me and encouraged me. It was all helpful – we need our tribes!

Lesson #8 - Even when things are working there are still trials, but you can choose to celebrate the things that are going right rather than being trodden down by what is going wrong. Mikey latched on IMMEDIATELY the first time I tried nursing him. It was amazing! I thought we weren’t going to have any problems. But we did. He didn’t suck efficiently. He never drained me even after sucking non-stop for over two hours. I got lots of clots which were incredibly painful. And since he wasn’t draining my it effected my supply. After about 6 weeks I found he had a lip and tongue tie. His lip tie was severe – it was actually a double tie (he had to septums) so the tie was super thick (the doctor who fixed it said that it was as bad and lip ties ever get). His tongue tie wasn’t as thick but came out far (the doctor said he was one degree away from as bad as they get). Once we had his ties released things got better and I haven’t had many clots since then. And my supply has increased. But even when we were having those problems I was still so grateful to be able to nurse at all! Unfortunately with Abby I was so focused on producing and so frustrated with my inability to do so that I didn’t focus on the bonding time we had when I nursed using the supplemental feeder. If I could have let go of my desire and just enjoyed the time we spent together it would have been a much better experience for both of us!

Lesson #9 - What is right for me is not necessarily right for someone else. There are lots of different protocols for inducing lactation. I picked the one that seemed most likely to be effective, and I’m happy for my choice. But I don’t believe it would be the right choice for everyone. And I don’t think that inducing lactation is necessarily the right choice for all adoptive moms. Or even that nursing is always the best for all moms. Everyone has different circumstances. And everyone has to find out what works best for them. I’m grateful I found a path that worked for us and for those who encouraged us along it, even if it wasn’t what they would have chosen to do.

Lesson #10 - God’s grace is sufficient. Grace is the priesthood power our loving Father in Heaven uses to bless us, His children. There is a scripture in the Book of Mormon (2 Nephi 25:23) that says that “by grace we are saved, after all we can do.” I believe we are also enabled by grace, after all we can do. Meaning, that God’s power enables us as WE (God and me) strive for something. Ryan gave me a blessing and in it said that I would be able to provide for Mikey’s needs. I hoped that meant that I would make a full supply, but that didn’t happen. But I make enough to give him all the antibodies he needs. And I have been able to find milk donors (my heroes) so that he has still been raised on breast milk! (He has only had one can of formula and that was to increase his weight, not because I didn’t have enough milk for him.) By God’s grace Mikey has been able to get all that I hoped for him. His grace is sufficient.
There are probably other lessons I’ve learned from lactation, but these are the ones I can think of now. I’m so grateful for a loving Father who made this all possible, and all the others who helped me along the way!