Confession #7

Confession #7: I have struggled with body image my entire life. I have never been skinny enough or pretty enough in my mind. I hate any amount of fat on my body. When I was younger I had barely any. I was told by multiple people that I looked anorexic (I have never had an eating disorder, thankfully.) It didn't make me feel good to be told this - to me they were just saying I didn't look good, and I could still see fat. When I was a sophomore in college my sister needed a blood-transfusion. I wanted to donate blood for her. To do so I needed to weigh 110 pounds (I am 5' 6", by the way). I didn't weigh that much. I ate a ton of sugar and salty stuff and drank a ton of water (sugar and salt help you retain water) so that I could increase my weight. I barely made it. By the time I got married at 24 I had gotten up to 120 pounds. My body had changed over the past few years. While I was more curvy I also felt super fat and couldn't stand seeing my body. Most of my married life my weight has fluctuated between 120 and 130. When I was 28 I took an anticonvulsant medication to try to control my migraines. While I was taking it I lost a lot of weight. I got down to around 110 again and was wearing size 2 pants. This picture was taken during that time. We were in Hawaii. I had to buy a new swimsuit while we were there because the two I had brought were literally falling off me. I was freezing all the time. I was so skinny, yet I still didn't like my body. I could still find fat. Anyway, I've struggled.
Before I started this fitness journey my weight had reached an all-time high. I don't even know what it was because I stayed away from scales. I am guessing somewhere around 140, maybe more. I wore the same 2-3 outfits pretty much every day because none of my other clothes didn't fit me. I was disgusted with myself.
Now, after almost 4 rounds of 21 Day Fix Extreme I've lost a lot of weight (around 15-20 pounds I'd guess), lost lots of inches, and gained a ton of muscle. I still have fat I wish wasn't there.
But the thing is, even though my body still isn't perfect, and even though I have more fat than I have had at other times in my life, I feel more confident in my body than I EVER have. I'm getting stronger and I feel better. I don't think the confidence I am gaining is all due to changes in my physical appearance. I think it has just as much, if not more, to do with the fact that I'm taking care of my body better than I ever have before. I have always been a fairly active person and have eaten fairly healthy, but I have never been as consistently exercising and eating a healthy, balanced diet as I am now. I believe all our bodies are gifts, and I am grateful that I am not only doing a better job caring for that gift, but also that I can better appreciate that gift now.
 ‪#‎confessionsofabeachbodycoach‬ ‪#‎thetruthistrue‬ ‪#‎realstruggles‬ ‪#‎feelingconfident‬ ‪#‎idlovetohelpyougainconfidence‬